http://www.gawker.com/all-my-friends-are-dead-489716639

 

This is worth your time to read. It actually made me sob while reading it. So many painful memories linked to family and friends who are being 'helped' by the little prescription bottle. More often than not, them becoming far worse off after their pill therapy ended.

 

Imagine taking a vacation from real life for years at a time. You end up stopping taking your prescription for whatever reasons, and you're thrust into a new world you haven't taken part in for a long time. It's such a shock that most don't even know how to cope with it, or even know how to begin to fit back into it. It's essentially a very crude, unhealthy time machine. It's my belief that this is why there's such a high rate of suicides linked to these types of medications. You don't get better. You become lackadaisical and apathetic. You settle for whatever is easiest and no longer challenge yourself. This new life/world you've been reintroduced to is scary and difficult. Your family and friends may even let out a little "I liked you better when you were on your happy pills". I'm guilty of saying that to a family member and I'll never forgive myself. Some things you can't excuse and can never take back.

 

Like any kind of substance dependence, there's many ways to get sucked back in. Challenge yourself. I do not like you better when you're on your pill therapy. I miss the old you. The real you. Never settle. Be great. All those inspirational quips that one hopes you listen to and get inspired by. It's not going to be a thread on some forum that gets you to stop. it won't even be your family begging you. It'll be a small spark of clarity that your brain and the pills will try to cloud over, or it'll be you leaving this world for good.

 

tl;dr Pills are evil. Please rejoin us in the real world. You are missed more so than you could ever imagine. You're a skimmer and didn't read the article or the words I've shared with you, here. You should probably feel a tiny bit bad about that.

PK....i know what its like to love a little pill. Its a bitch getting off.

Indeed, Irish. A serious bitch.

Pills have saved my life. Some people desperately need them, and wouldn't be around if not for them. It's not all doom and gloom. In these cases of ADHD, I've never heard a positive story about them, though.

 

But doctors do love flinging pills at you. 

Yeah, this was about the brain numbing ADHD type of drugs. There are pills that saved my Mother and I'll always be thankful for those ones.

It covered both ADHD and antidepressants, is how I read it. Primarily ADHD, though.

I read through this.  Some of it sounds scary familiar to how I was through school, like being able to focus intently on, and getting distracted by, all the little things that don't matter like a table leg.  I was on some of those medications, paxil, adderall, and a couple others (not all at once, they kept trying different ones, some of which I even later found out were placebos) for ADHD for a time I, when I was going through school.  I don't remember what really happened (not because of memory loss) but partway through High School at some point I just stopped using all of them (at that point I was just on one or two).  Not a huge miraculous change, but in the end it's more that I didn't need them so much as support, help in learning how to deal with society when you process things differently.

 

In the game/story To The Moon it is implied that two of the characters have aspergers (another condition I'm diagnosed with) or something very similar, and at one point one of them describes it like having to be an actor to show emotions, which for me really makes sense.  You kind of learn to pretend to exhibit normal reactions on the outside.  Just something like being here at the forums and having people to talk to though, has really helped me.

 

Basically I think medication should be a last resort for purely psychological concerns, unless the subject poses some (real, not perceived) form of danger to society without something to "level them out".  People need to learn to deal with problems, not try to find some magic pill.  I think I've adapted fairly well by now.  Hell, at this point I think it's awesome having some of these conditions.  They make me unique, and I am able to overanalyze and think about things in different ways than what is considered "normal".

I'm glad you shared that, Kevin.  I see the pills as making an already introverted person even more introverted. I also see them as easily becoming a crutch instead of having to face something head on.

 

When I was a young student there were no pay attention pills handed out. Most days I got to spend an extra hour after school in my homeroom because I was held after for not paying attention or 'day dreaming'. Some called me the class clown. That was really just me shifting focus away from me not doing the work I didn't understand. I wasn't focusing on what was being taught, so the class was basically lapping me in terms of learning.

 

Teachers would try and talk with me and I'd keep my eyes and ears open to only them, but nothing was coming through. My peripheral vision would start to get dark, I'd hear my heartbeat in my ears and there'd be a few words said that I'd hear and focus on, but I wasn't getting the full script.

 

I had to teach things to myself. I'm still that way today and I later found out it's what my father also had to do. My son does better when he learns things on his own as well or online like he does with some of his college courses. I -wish- I could have taken school online. I was no introvert as a child. I was as outgoing then as I am today. Ever hear the term "tests extremely well"? That was me. We used to be issued a test called CTBS twice a year all throughout middle school. I'd almost always be the first to hand mine in and many times my results would be 12.9. That's the absolute highest you could score in those tests. It equates to 12th year (senior) level. How does a 7th grader read and write at a 12th grade level when he's failing English? They wanted to advance me a grade several times, but each time it was my current grades holding me back.

 

So why does that happen? I think I know why. That bright white bundle of papers with bubbles on them. You had to darken in the bubble to mark your answer. Such simplification! It was hard not to focus on that test. It was begging to be filled in and filled in correctly. Not too light with your #2 pencil. The computing equipment won't pick up your answer if it's not dark enough! If you finish your test early, go ahead and go back and make sure your answers are dark enough to be picked up.

 

 

I don't know what I'm trying to say here. Just typing what is coming to my head. I've never been one to closely scrutinize what I write before I hit post. Usually to my detriment. I wanted to reply back to you Kevin, that yes, there has definitely been a change in you. All positive changes. It's why I personally don't let up on you for being so calculating. it's a part of you and it'd be strange if it suddenly left you. Just like it'd be strange if GG didn't like action movie actors or wrestlers, Dat's sometimes 'evil', mischievousness way, Sed and his Facebook, Fap purchasing things he probably doesn't need. Then there's me. The things I hate about myself that others know me by, yet they still keep me around as their friend.

 

tl;dr just a bunch of PK blatherskiting.

Great read PK. 

 

In high school I was caught smoking cannabis by my parents my junior year.  The very first time they caught me, and I'm not kidding, they shipped me off to an inpatient psychiatric hospital where I was confined for almost two months (Benjamin Rush, in Syracuse).  I remember it well to this day.  Once there, their psychiatrists "diagnosed" me with clinical depression and forced me to admit that I was using cannabis to escape my "problems" and instead forced me to ingest antipsychotics like Abilify (a horrible, horrible drug).  They caught me smoking ONCE, and threw me into a ward with suicidal kids, severe addicts (heroin, cocaine, etc), and people with eating disorders (I remember this extremely frail young woman who was anorexic, breaks my heart to think about even now watching two aides constantly sit next to her in the eating area scrutinizing every piece of food placed in front of her and making her eat). 

 

Anyways, I was released and had to have regular follow ups with a local psychiatrist for a couple years and continue to take the prescribed medications.  Those were some of the worst years of my life.  I failed out of the first college I went to, I was exposed to so much hard stuff while in "rehab" that my curiosity was piqued and I delved into experimentation myself. 

 

I don't know what shook me back to reality honestly.  I don't know how I finally said enough was enough and I basically threw out all the pills.  I do know the shell of a person that I viewed in the mirror every morning when I looked into it and I didn't want that anymore. 

 

It's hard to find coping mechanisms.  We don't teach that anymore it seems.  We just shovel whatever new "miracle cure" that big pharma comes up with down the throats of the weak willed or those that don't know any better.  Even to this day my older brother (who was "diagnosed" as bi-polar) still takes pills afaik.  :/

 

 

also tl;dr - It saddens me how these drugs fuck with people.  Not only that but you really have no recourse against the prescribers or the manufacturers while these drugs destroy your life and individuality.

 

Here is a great article from a doctor near me about how harmful those antipsychotics are, the ridiculous side effects, and how most are helpless when it happens to them

 

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-peter-breggin/antipsychotic-drugs-their_b_341108.html

 people with eating disorders (I remember this extremely frail young woman who was anorexic, breaks my heart to think about even now watching two aides constantly sit next to her in the eating area scrutinizing every piece of food placed in front of her and making her eat). 

Oh my gosh....reading what you said Chris just about gave me a panic attack. Seriously, my heart started to race.   I remember when I was anorexic and doing the same thing.  It's awful.  I would pick apart everything even an apple.  For example, I remember debating if my entire meal for one day should be an apple and I don't know why I remember this but I told myself that the apple has 35 calories skin included, that it was too much.  So I ate it and then worked out like a nut to burn it off.  It's crazy how the mind of an anorexic thinks.

 

I am still on a host of meds including Prozac for depression and PTSD.  I honestly think I can go off of it, but I'm to afraid too.  When I started taking Prozac it was to deal with the depression from my childhood and then it was upped when I lost the baby for the PTSD.  I'm in a much better place now, but it's that fear of coming off of that stuff.  I've been on it for almost 7 years and I almost feel like I need it....it's like I'm dependent on it or at least it feels that way.

 

The other meds I am on are triptans for my migraines and pills for my thyroid, a qnasl nasal spray (been using that since I had 8 sinus procedures done and ended up with scarring and polyps), an allergy pill, and a vitamin D tab.  Sometimes I feel like an old person, lol. 

Oh my gosh....reading what you said Chris just about gave me a panic attack. Seriously, my heart started to race.   I remember when I was anorexic and doing the same thing.  It's awful.  I would pick apart everything even an apple.  For example, I remember debating if my entire meal for one day should be an apple and I don't know why I remember this but I told myself that the apple has 35 calories skin included, that it was too much.  So I ate it and then worked out like a nut to burn it off.  It's crazy how the mind of an anorexic thinks.

 

I am still on a host of meds including Prozac for depression and PTSD.  I honestly think I can go off of it, but I'm to afraid too.  When I started taking Prozac it was to deal with the depression from my childhood and then it was upped when I lost the baby for the PTSD.  I'm in a much better place now, but it's that fear of coming off of that stuff.  I've been on it for almost 7 years and I almost feel like I need it....it's like I'm dependent on it or at least it feels that way.

 

The other meds I am on are triptans for my migraines and pills for my thyroid, a qnasl nasal spray (been using that since I had 8 sinus procedures done and ended up with scarring and polyps), an allergy pill, and a vitamin D tab.  Sometimes I feel like an old person, lol. 

 

 

*hugs you*  I know the pain you've shared with us Siren.  I didn't mean to make you have a mini panic attack.

No worries Chris...it was just identifying with someone...you know?

I totally know.  It's super bad memories for me too.  :/