So, I was wondering if anyone else faced the self inflicted emotional wall that I do. I don't seem to truly feel anymore. From time to time, when I'm drinking or something major happens I will feel a pull towards sadness or happiness, but otherwise I'm just here. Not much seems to phase me. It's almost like I live in this emotional dead zone. Sure I can show happiness and sadness, but it's not exactly the same thing that I'm referring to. You know the type of emotion that brings you to tears or keeps you up restless at night?

I almost think it's passion. It's a lost vigor or a lost conviction. I feel it rarely and it's like a drug. I miss it, and I miss the connection. It's almost like happiness holds no room for strong emotion. I'm very happy and very content in my life, but I don't feel that emotional pull like I did when I was younger and just swore I was in love or was so mad for no reason. I don't know that I miss it, but I feel that I do.

Am I alone in this feeling? Is it possible to be disappointed in simply living?

I live by a mantra every day - there's a spiritual solution to every problem. It took me a long time to understand that statement, but it's so true. Spiritual living will solve almost all of your "problems". I wish I could help you man, but the truth is that many people experience "unique" personal experiences that cannot be duplicated, or solved by an outside source - it all comes from within.

Read a Wayne Dyer book, he also has cd's that you can buy which have his live presentations, and his wisdom is truly infinite, and he's passionate about what he does.

I believe in spirtual living, but I just don't have the spirit anymore. It's not there. I have no true convictions about anything. I just live day to day. I would kill for my wife and my family, but I only feel that when threatened. I have no day to day conviction about anything. I can't even give up smoking for her. I love her more than anything, and I know that. I just can't feel that conviction when it comes down to it away from her. It's as if I can't see past the present tense. I'm lost in my own apathy.

Not all of us are perfect. Hell I can't even leave my residence without turning into something I hate, which is what I really am, and I can't stand that person. Why I stay inside. I can be the person I want to be when I'm alone.

When I'm alone I'm the person I don't want to be. When I'm with her she makes me into what I truly care to be, but I regress as soon as I'm away again. It's not a major thing, but simple enough to bug me. It should be easy to do what is asked, but I can't make that connection without her in front of me. I can rarely make any connections without direct effects anymore.

Doesn't help that at the moment I'm drunk as hell, but what am I to do? It's just, well, every fucking thing. Life does what it will, whether I'm ready for it or not.

You're awesome Dat, and I'll be thinking that as I doze off to sleep tonight. No homo. Really.

((((DAT))))

There's a percentage of cannabis patients that medicate because of feelings of morose. On the flip side, some people get panic attacks, and/or paranoid. However, I overcame any paranoia I had with it, once I went legal. It's not the pot that made me paranoid. It was law enforcement.

Not saying you should go out and light up, either. I think it may be something deep seeded, and only complete honesty with a professional could help.

I can understand the feeling. I myself am almost the same way, where I don't have true strong feelings about too much, but then again I haven't really had the life experiences most my age have either. But it helps to be able to feel however the hell I want about things. So it's somewhere between apathy and positive nonchalance.

This thread looks like something that should go in Members Only though if you want people to be more open about personal stuff or their opinions on it.

Dat, I'm sorry you're feeling that way. I don't know what really to tell you because quite honestly I feel slightly, as you call it, apathetic about life in general right now too. I'm not sure how it happens or how to get out of it, but I'm personally doing a lot of soul searching (after all my life drama and disorientation) and trying to find a new hobby or something to do that I truly enjoy.

Setting goals to work towards in life man.... that's my plan right now.

(((((Dat))))))

I've had a hell of time dealing with emotions in fact my therapist said that I've become emotionally detached from past and present things. That's what I've been dealing with for years and unfortunately I'm still there despite her best efforts to get me out of the funk. Well the only thing I seem to be able to emotionally connect to is the first miscarriage, but I refuse to talk about it in sessions. I just don't want to go back there even though she says that I need to in order to move past it. But for me it's like pouring salt into an old wound and I won't have any of it. Which is my problem. I've built up this huge wall to block out emotions and I know that Jason is being patient with it because I think he partly blames himself, but it's slowly taking a toll on everything.

Have you talked about anything regarding this with your wife?

I was more drunk than anything. I'm very happy. I was trying to comment on the lack of extreme feeling more than anything. Not that I don't care about things, but I just don't feel as strongly as I think I should. I get 'excited' about things, but just not in a way I use to. Having a hard time saying what I mean. Just not very passionate about things anymore.

Maybe it just comes from life experience. I know what I like, and I know my vices. I just choose to accept them.

I know what you mean about not being excited for things, as you said, losing your "passion" for stuff sometimes it feels.

Do you have any long term goals you'd like to accomplish? Things to work towards and fight for?

I think it just comes with the territory of getting older honestly. I think most people feel that way, I believe it has to do with the whole you can be anything you want to be era we went through. Studies show people in there mid twenties to thirties actually go through a mid life crisis because of the you can do anything or be anything that we heard growing up.

Dat, I feel like I'm falling right towards that same sentiment. Although only 20, I've developed a sense of complete apathy towards most of the things going on around me. The only real "feel" I ever get is from some sort of outside stimuli, such as movies or TV shows. That great sense of happiness or sadness or excitedness doesn't really come normally anymore.

I kind of agree with GG in the sense that it comes with getting older... although I'm not that old.

Could be an age thing. I also think it might be things weighing you down. When I was up to my ears in debt, I couldn't find joy in anything.

The only time it shows itself now, is the lead up to Christmas. The actual day is fine, but before Thanksgiving even comes around, I'm already in a blah mood and nothing shakes it. It's only until the day has come, that it feels like I'm myself again.

Also, with the debt thing -- I gave into "life will always find a way to bring me down". Just a fact for most adults. Don't know how I did it, but I just don't give a F*** anymore, meaning, I know there's no escape. So, I make my own fun. I make it my routine to laugh at least 25 times a day. Real laughs. Making someone smile that doesn't want to smile. Things like that.

Coming from a long line of immature adults has helped me, too.

I can agree with GG. I have goals and all that and things in life are better than ever. As a geeky example it's almost like being Spock. I approach everythin with more logic and thought than emotions. With only the very rare flare up of real strong feelings.

Oh, except I have the uncanny ability to ignore logical choices and just continuing doing out of habit or stubbornness.

I eat a lot when I'm bored or depressed, even happy too.. I've put on some pounds but it doesn't bother me. Beats what **** I was doing before.